Between wind and stone
by Dustbunnyprophet
Summary: Winter was ending and life went on. Ruins were slowly rebuilt and alliances had been formed, but for some things it was yet too soon. And yet Kíli hoped, eager to tell the world how happy she was, how blessed. To shout from the highest ramparts of the Lonely Mountain how much she loved her Elven maid. Written for the Secret Lesbians Kiliel Week. [Fem!Kíli]
1. Chapter I

Chapter I

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Written for the Secret Lesbians Kiliel Week hosted on tumblr by hobbithelltrashsquad.

Day 1 - Fluff.

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A/N I'm sorry for the tinge of angst in the beginning, but in my defence this is the fluffiest thing I've ever attempted writing... :p

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Her heavy boots resounded loudly on the paving stones of the empty street she was striding through. A bitter cold wind was howling through the streets of Dale and Kíli pulled the hood of her cloak back on, tightly holding it with her fingers against the gale. She hurried her way through the alleys, moving deftly through the darkness, hoping her presence would go unnoticed in the early winter night. It had not been easy to sneak past the guards, but Kíli had managed to exit the Mountain without anyone noticing the Princess gone. She felt the sharp bite of guilt when she thought about all the lies she had been spinning to her brother in the past months. But it was the only way. Fíli could not know. No one could. The peace with the Mirkwood Elves was tentative and even if her Uncle graciously hosted the emissaries of King Thranduil, she could still read on his and her brother's face – on everyone's faces – the contempt for the Elven race which was still deeply ingrained in her kin.

It was too soon to spring something like that on her family. They would not understand and they would make it difficult – if not impossible – for Kíli to meet Tauriel. She didn't like sneaking, but it was better than not seeing her.

So sneaked she did, even if she would have liked nothing better than standing atop the highest ramparts of the Mountain and shouting for the whole world to hear how happy she was, how incredibly blessed she felt to have found the most precious treasure. To have found Tauriel. She felt her heart leap in her chest at the thought and she grinned in spite of the cold wind chapping her lips.

Kíli kept pressing forwards. Most of the windows she passed by were dark - Dale still half wrecked after the war had ravaged its stones, scarred already from the dragon onslaught – but every now and then there was the odd light throwing patches of yellow and orange onto the street and Kíli would have to duck to avoid the risk of being seen. She was thankful for once that Men built their windows so ridiculously high above the ground.

Her cloak billowed about her, doing little to shield her from the cold, but Kíli had been used to worse and her steps did not falter. She had almost reached the small square with the broken fountain and her heart began pounding loudly within her ribcage while she scanned her surroundings before stepping into the moonlit square and striding towards a nondescript wooden door. Casting one more look behind her shoulder Kíli pushed against the wood. The door slid open soundlessly and Kíli felt herself grin when she recalled Tauriel's baffled frown when she had observed Kíli oiling the hinges a fortnight before.

She closed the door behind her, bolting it. It took her eyes no time to adjust to the utter darkness and she gripped the handrail of the narrow staircase, nearly running up the stairs while her grin widened with each step she took. In a heartbeat she was emerging in the windswept attic and her eyes immediately locked on the tall silhouette of Tauriel.

Her breath hitched in her throat and she silently observed her, taking in the way her long red hair billowed in the wind like a beacon while the bright star-encrusted sky painted the skin of her hands in mithril white. Tauriel was standing by the broken portion of the roof, motionlessly gazing at the night and Kíli's feet moved of their own accord, her footsteps loudly echoing on the attic floor.

Tauriel turned her head toward her, giving Kíli the softest of smiles. Not the widest, nor the brightest, but still the most precious one to Kíli – the one Tauriel reserved for her only.

" _Meleth nín_." she said in her melodic voice and Kíli was reminded of the silver bells which would chime inside the Mountain and the whisper of the River Running where it tenaciously sprung from the dark green rock, growing wider and stronger until it burst out of the bowels of the earth and into the wideness of the world outside.

Kíli smiled, lost in her thoughts and yet unable to tear her eyes from the Elven maid who held the very stone of her heart in her long-fingered hands – much too delicate-looking to as deadly as Kíli knew they were. And oh how beautiful she had been when Kíli had seen her the first time, a warrior goddess if Kíli had ever imagined one and at the same time as fine and precious as golden wire. Fire and starlight, and so different from Kíli she still struggled to fathom they could be there, standing a hairbreadth one from the other and Tauriel's beautiful green eyes looking at her with the same wonder she reserved for the stars she loved so much.

But she loved Kíli too. And it seemed nearly unthinkable that such a perfect creature could love her, a dwarrowdam – and much too scrawny to be considered pretty, but that had never bothered Kíli. Not until she had laid eyes on Tauriel. Not until she had seen that mane of fiery hair whip about while she slashed and cut, dancing the tune of death with a grace that had made Kíli's breath catch in her throat.

"I still don't know what that means." she replied at last, then grinning she added " _Amr_ _â_ _lim_ _ê_."

"Well that makes two of us, then." Tauriel replied in earnest, before her eyes twinkled in the darkness and laughter bubbled from her beautiful lips.

Kíli found herself grinning widely, her hand reaching for Tauriel's, while the latter stepped closer, cupping Kíli's cheek with her other hand. Kíli's heart was drumming inside her chest and her stomach fluttered while her own fingers rose to the nape of Tauriel's neck, tangling in the soft silky hair. It danced between her knuckles like strands of wind.

Soft like Tauriel's lips when she bent down to press the lightest of kisses on Kíli's lips. And she closed her eyes, losing grasp of the world, with all its rules and harshness, with all its pride and hatred, with all the scars that one single war could not erase. She closed her eyes and lost herself in the closeness of her beautiful Elven maid.

 _Her_ Elven maid, who was stalwart like the breeze that whipped her hair into Kíli's unbraided locks, and at the same time as ephemeral as the stone under Kíli's feet. She was so different from her and yet nothing had ever felt so right as circling her narrow waist with her strong arms while Tauriel's willowy limbs tangled with her own. Nothing had ever felt so right as kissing those soft delicate lips. And nothing, nothing was more beautiful than the sight of her smile, the sound of her laughter and the bright green of her eyes which were locked on hers, brimming with the same emotion that engulfed every breath Kíli took.

And Kíli wished she could take that moment and forever preserve it. Because her life had been good, had been filled with many joys in spite of all the sorrows, but she had not known what happiness was until Tauriel had burst into her life, like the gale that wailed around them, shielding them from the world.

She caught Tauriel's lips once again and her thoughts vanished from the forefront of her mind while nothing but warmth of her lean body and the smell of the wind in her hair filled Kíli's senses. And she thanked the Maker for this moment. While the wind wailed and the stone sung in her ears.


	2. Chapter II

Chapter II

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Written for the Secret Lesbians Kiliel Week hosted on tumblr by hobbithelltrashsquad.

Day 2 - Cultural Differences.

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A/N Now, when I wrote the first chapter of this fic it was supposed to be a one-shot, but during a very productive Sunday which I had planned to dedicate to my ongoing wip fics, my muse decided it would be awesome to continue the fluffy one-shot I wrote for Day 1.

So it appears this whole fic is becoming a multichapter thingy. At this point I think at least one more Day of the Secret Lesbians Week will be featured in this fic, maybe even two...

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The moonlight fell on Kíli's closed eyelids, painting the Princess' skin in a soft whiteness, broken every now and then by the dark tendrils of her hair as they fell over her forehead. Tauriel brushed them gently away, eliciting a sigh from Kíli's slightly parted lips. Her long-lashed eyelids slowly began to lift, revealing her big dark eyes. She blinked sleepily and Tauriel felt a smile pull at her lips.

They were lying on the draughty attic of the abandoned house they had claimed as their own, Kíli's thick sturdy cloak sprawled on the stone floor underneath them while her own had been cast over them to shield their bodies from the waning chill of the last days of winter which. Shifting her legs so her booted feet tangled with Kíli's own, Tauriel turned her gazed to the patch of sky above them. The starlit sky was glimmering in all its beauty, singing with the distant memories which tangled with the ones they were making, soft and precious beyond measure, and she felt her heart hum with a peace like she had never felt before.

Kíli's calloused fingers were intertwined with her own, smaller but strong in their grip. Stalwart like her Dwarrowdam and Tauriel's eyes tore from the silvery starlight to gaze down at Kíli. She felt a smile tug at her lips while her heart expanded inside her chest, brimming with love. And she struggled still to believe she had been allowed this blessing, the precious gift of finding _her_ , of holding her close to her fast-beating heart, counting each moment together as the miracle it was. She sighed softly, looking at her pale skin, stark against the darkness of her hair. And her eyes, wide and full of life in that moment, ephemeral as it was. She closed her eyes, trying not to dwell on the future.

Immortality had never seemed a burden to her. Not until she had laid eyes on Kíli, struggling against that giant spider in Mirkwood's underbrush. Tauriel had not realised it in the frenzy of the moment, but her heart had been lost the moment their eyes had met and the world had suddenly seemed duller whenever Kíli was not around. She could not bear thinking how it would all one day end. Thinking how brief their time together would be and how many ages of the world she would have to see, carrying only the memory of Kíli within her heart, bright like starlight.

And she had almost been denied even that. When she remembered they had walked so close to the edge of the precipice, so dangerously close to losing one another before they had even been allowed a chance, her heart clenched within her breast and she tightened her grip on Kíli's smaller body, burying her head in her dark locks while the memories of that battle coursed through her mind. The clash of steel against steel, the guttural snarls of their foes. And the fear, the horrible fear which had gripped the very marrow of her being at the sight of Kíli single-handedly attacking that giant Gundabad Orc.

It had been that soul-shattering terror which had made Tauriel lift her body – in spite of all the biting aches which had torn her flesh at every painful step she had taken – and blindly throw herself into the fray, unthinking, unfeeling, filled only with the knowledge that Kíli had hadto _live_. That nothing in the world would have been right had she lost her then. They had fought viciously, but with every dodged blow Tauriel had known it had been a forlorn hope. Had Legolas failed to come to their aid, Tauriel knew they would have both died, and the memory made her shudder lightly, burying her nose in Kíli's hair and inhaling the smell of damp stone and metal that was her.

"Tauriel?" Kíli's voice made her lift her head from her mane and she saw her large dark eyes filled with concern.

"It's nothing _meleth nín._ " she replied softly, brushing away another lock that had stubbornly fallen over her bearded cheek.

"You look terribly pensive." Kíli told her cheekily and she chuckled lightly, feeling her tension dissipate in the wake of Kíli's light-heartedness.

She tangled a strand of Kíli's hair around her finger, toying with it while the ripples of mirth still reverberated within her, reminding her Kíli was here with her, alive and beautiful with her wild mane of untameable hair. She ran her fingers through it, feeling its texture against her skin.

"I would love to braid your hair." she said absent-mindedly, closing her eyes as she tried to picture her Dwarrowdam with a set of Elven braids.

A pair of simple braids, tangling her hair from her temples to the back, pulling back the same strands of hair Kíli usually bound back with her metal clasp. Tauriel could see it in her mind's eye clearly. And her fingers moved unconsciously, combing through her locks. She loved Kíli's hair, it was soft and strong at the same time. Much like Kíli herself, she thought with a smile, opening her eyes.

Only to meet Kíli's startled stare.

"You want to _braid my hair_?" Kíli breathed, disbelief dripping from every word and Tauriel found herself inclining her head with a frown even as she told her

"Is... is there something wrong in that?" hair-braiding was a normal enough practice amongst her kin and Tauriel had seen the Dwarves wear elaborate braids in their hair and beards, so she did not understand.

"No, there is nothing wrong with that." Kíli replied seriously, fixing her with and unreadable look in her brown eyes, then she added "But only family braids each other's hair."

"Oh." she exclaimed "I didn't..."

"If you braided my hair" Kíli continued, her eyes boring into hers "it would mean you wish to pledge yourself to me."

And Tauriel inhaled, feeling something sing within her as she gazed at the earnest expression on her Dwarrowdam's face. To pledge herself to her. To Kíli, who was so beautiful, so full of life and energy, bursting with joy at the smallest things. Whose eyes would so often sparkle with barely concealed mischief and her smile... Her smile was like a ray of sunlight breaking through a skyful of thunderclouds, like the warmth of sweet mead in the winter chill, like the brightest starlight, mesmerising in its beauty.

" _Meleth nín_." she whispered wide-eyed "There is nothing I would wish better than joining you in body and soul for what brief years the Valar may give us."

Kíli stared at her, eyes wide and filled with a mixture of joy and disbelief Tauriel felt her heart flutter like the beating of a thousand wings in the summer breeze. She raised her body until she was kneeling by Kíli's side

"I would braid your hair, Kíli of Erebor." she said solemnly "If you would have me."

And Kíli lay still for a breathless moment, merely looking at her in wonderment, before her lips moved in a tentative smile which soon grew into a wide grin. She scrambled up, throwing her arms around her and capturing Tauriel's lips in a kiss which held all the answers to the mysteries of the world, all the notes and tunes of the Song within the taste of her lips and the warmth of her breath.

"Yes." she exclaimed when they drew apart "Yes, Tauriel. I would have you. Now. Tomorrow. Forever."


	3. Chapter III

Chapter III

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Written for the Secret Lesbians Kiliel Week hosted on tumblr by hobbithelltrashsquad.

Day 5 Not-So-Secret Lesbians (Coming Out/Meeting the Parents).

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A/N Headcanons aplenty in this chapter. Readers of my other fics may recognise some. :)

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The flames were flickering in the crystal lamps which hung from the ceiling, large metal chains travelling up into the shadow of the high vaults and disappearing from sight. The yellow light filled the large antechamber, dancing on the smooth green walls and mingling with the orange hue of the lively fire that burned behind the hearth's intricate iron grate. Kíli passed in front of it for the umpteenth time in her ceaseless pacing back and forth through the length of the room, hands clasped tightly behind her back. Every now and then she glanced nervously towards the closed door on the far end of the room wishing it would open before she turned her back to it, striding in the other direction.

She had been waiting for over an hour to see her mother, but the Princess had all but herself barricaded inside her study with Mister Balin, Ori and three more dwarrows whose names Kíli had not gotten to time to learn - she had seen them more than once, exiting her mother's quarters with rolls upon rolls of parchment and the same weary expression her _amad_ was wont to wear more often than not lately and she supposed they assisted her in the matters of state.

Princess Dís had arrived to Erebor barely a fortnight prior, having left the settlement in the Blue Mountains the day after the raven had brought her the same news of Thorin's success which had made Dáin arrive with his army at the aid of their King. Her mother had looked haggard and weary when she had dismounted her pony, but after a day and a half of resting – and learning the hairbreadth which had separated them from disaster - she had all but banished her Uncle from the treasury in which he hadn't dared setting foot since the day of the battle, and taken over the chamberlain's office.

But dealing with the Kingdom's finances was a tiresome task and her mother had spent the better part of the past ten days locked inside her study with an endless array of people coming in and out, coming out of it only to take her meals. Fíli had bemoaned the little they saw of their mother and Kíli had never before wished to have her only for herself if only for the briefest time. It had been three days since she had tried to talk to her, but it had been nigh impossible.

Three days. She grinned, feeling her heart flutter within her ribcage and she stopped in the middle of her stride, glancing at her reflection in the silver mirror which hung above the mantelpiece. It was a heirloom – or so her Uncle had told her - a courting gift from her Grandfather to Princess Ásdis - Kíli's Grandmother. And she wondered if her Grandparents had felt the same humming within the very stone of their souls when they had braided each other's hair. When they had allowed the most precious pair of hands to touch their hair.

Kíli looked breathlessly at the two tightly woven braids which began just above her ears and laced their way to the back of her hair where she knew Tauriel had joined them in one simple yet sturdy braid. And she remembered the way her long fingers had combed through her locks before parting them. The way her green eyes had not left hers, eyeing her with such open wonder and love Kíli had had to resist the urge to circle her arm around her narrow waist and pull her into a kiss.

She sighed, smiling stupidly, but happy for the memory, happy beyond measure for every moment she had spent with her and she had yet to spend.

But there were traditions to be respected. She looked towards the unmoving door, willing it to open, but the dark polished wood remained fixed on its hinges and Kíli's feet rebelled against their idleness and she found herself walking in circles around the room while she debated her approach, wondering at how to best deliver the news to her mother.

It was already bad enough Tauriel was not there. Traditionally her betrothed would have stood by her side when Kíli would have made the announcement to her family - but traditionally a Dwarrowdam would not pledge herself to an Elf. Kíli knew it would have taken more than her vouching for Tauriel in order for the Elf to be allowed inside the Mountain without explicitly stating her purpose. And Kíli was _not_ going to announce their betrothal to the whole Mountain before she had been given her mother's blessing.

 _If_ her mother would give them her blessing, she thought grimly, heaving a sigh and sagging her shoulders slightly.

Suddenly the sound of approaching footsteps broke her from her maudlin thoughts and a moment later the door of her mother's study was flung open. Ori appeared in the doorway, ink-smudged hands holding a stack of parchment against his chest. He flashed Kíli a small smile before he hurried toward the large door which led to the corridors. The other dwarrows followed him a moment later, vivaciously discussing in hushed tones with Mister Balin who was rubbing his hand on his temple.

The door had been left ajar and Kíli swallowed before she squared her shoulders and strode into the study. The large warm room was empty but for her mother who was sitting behind her desk filled with parchment and books sprawled on top of it. Her fingers were pinching the bridge of her nose in exhaustion and Kíli walked towards her wondering if this was the right moment to talk to her.

But she knew she could delay no longer. She had kept her braids a secret for the past three days – and Tauriel for far too long. She _had_ to do it.

Her mother lifted her head, giving her a small smile which made the crinkles on the sides of her sky-blue eyes deepen softly, opening her mouth to speak. But Kíli was faster than her

" _Amad_ , I have taken my braids." she said without preamble, glad she had not stumbled upon her words.

Her mother blinked twice.

"You have taken your braids?" she parroted dumbfounded, her sharp blue eyes wide in bemusement.

"Yes." Kili replied with steel in her voice and, standing tall she blurted "I will _not_ go back on my choice even if you chose to deny us your blessing."

And Kili wouldn't. It was enough to think of the way Tauriel's soft lips would widen in a smile or how her coppery hair would fly in the breeze – how silky it was under her fingers – to make Kíli willing to fight anything, _anyone_ who opposed their union. Even if her heart cracked a little when she thought she might have to choose. But there was no choice. Not for her. Tauriel was too precious. A life without her was no life at all, but the dull trickle of time and the emptiness of a cold forge.

"And why would I that?" her mother asked at last, her dark eyebrows knitting into a frown "Although, I do wonder why he isn't here to stand by your side. I should think it craven..."

" _She_ wanted to come." Kíli exclaimed, incensed and Dís' eyebrows shot up toward her hairline "But she wouldn't have made it past the guards."

"And why is that?" Dís drawled, her voice suddenly cold, but Kíli was not going to back now.

Not when her heart yearned for nothing but the sight of her beautiful Elven maid, for the warmth of her smiles and the starlight which danced in her large eyes. And even if she was ready to fight the world, even if her shoulders were squared Kíli still felt the way her heart sung at the mere thought of her. Of Tauriel.

Her mother was looking at her expectantly, hands folded atop her desk and Kíli lifted her chin defiantly, meeting her eyes squarely.

"Because she is an Elf."


	4. Chapter IV

Chapter IV

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Written for the Secret Lesbians Kiliel Week Day 7 Anything you want!

Secret Lesbians Week hosted on tumblr by hobbithelltrashsquad.

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The sun was fast descending beyond the dark edge of the forest, tingeing the clear sky with a soft whirlwind of oranges which turned into buttercup yellow where the odd solitary cloud lingered above the horizon. The chill of the evening was beginning to seep through the ruined stones of the house, smelling of dampness and age-long memories – the ones which had left the broken pieces of their moulds scattered around the abandoned building, the imprint of lives long gone and sounds swallowed by the silence of time. And death.

There wasn't much in the house Kíli and her had commandeered as their secret abode, but Tauriel could read the memories in the rusty cudgel she had found discarded in a room downstairs, or the threadbare remnants of a rug, its colours bleached by the passing of countless seasons. She could read them in the dent on the floorboard where lifetimes of a door opening and closing had dug a crescent moon in the creaky wood. There were memories in this place which lingered forgotten between the thick stones of the walls, while Kíli and her wove their own, vibrant and alive and heart-flutteringly precious - like Kíli herself.

Tauriel looked down at the arrow she had been fletching, passing her thumb on the meticulously cut feather and trying to quell the pool of worry which stirred within her, hoping above all else the memories they had sung into existence with every breathless moment, with every sigh and kiss, every broad brightest smile - hoping they would not be all Tauriel would be left with.

And yet such was the way of mortals and she knew one day that fate would await her. But beyond the knowledge of the briefness of Kíli's existence when compared to the ages of the world, there was the fear their time would be cut shorter still and they would be separated by the ages of contempt their peoples had nurtured.

She could see how the differences between their races had driven them asunder, how incomprehension had built a phantom web of condescension and disgust. Tauriel could see it, understand it, but she had also _seen._ And even if Kíli's soul was not hers to touch, for unlike her own it was woven to tightly within her sinew and bone, Tauriel knew there was a mesmerising well of bright white stars whining within her Dwarrowdam and the light which flickered inside them held the sparks of all things dwarven, all things alien to her.

And yet how fascinating they were. Fascinating because they lived etched into the very marrow of Kíli's body and soul, in her dancing brown eyes and her wide beautiful grin which always made Tauriel's chest too tight and narrow for her heart as it pounded against her ribcage, bursting with the love which now lived in every breath she took.

Tauriel's hand went to the innermost pocket of her jerkin and her fingers closed around the smooth surface of the runestone Kíli had given her on the banks of the Long Lake. She closed her eyes, silently sighing as she gingerly held the image of Kíli in her mind's eye. Kíli's earnest expression that grey morning, her brown eyes filled with unspoken words and the one dwarvish word she had not understood then, but her heart had. Kíli, finding her a week after the battle, pale and gaunt from the wounds which had nearly taken her life, but looking at her with such a gaze Tauriel had stood transfixed, there on the deserted street of Dale. Her hands, rough and calloused as they had held her own and the breathless moment before Tauriel had pulled her closer and Kíli had circled her arms around Tauriel's back. The warmth of her breath as they had stood close and so near, and the sudden softness of her lips when Kíli had closed the last inch of distance between them and Tauriel's soul had sung in overwhelming joy.

The sound of footsteps in the street below made her lids fly open and her heart fluttered as her lips pulled in a smile. She listened to the nearly soundless movement of the oiled hinges as the door was opened and Kíli's heavy-booted footsteps resounded up the staircase. A moment later she walked into the attic, the waning sunlight painting her uncannily serious visage with a deep magenta that held more shade than light. Tauriel secured the runestone back within her pocket, lifting herself to her feet.

" _Meleth nín_ " she greeted, looking at her beautiful vibrant Dwarrowdam with a whisper of anticipation coiling around her taut mind.

Kíli's expression softened and in in the dropping of her guard the maelstrom which battled within her eyes was given light and Tauriel could almost see her thoughts slashing and paring amongst gusts of wind and the slicing strength of the heavy raindrops. She was troubled.

"You had spoken to your kin." she said at last and Kíli nodded, her lips pulled in a straight line.

"I have asked my mother for her blessing." she told her in a guarded tone, dropping her lids with a heaved sigh and her fingers found Tauriel's, lacing with her own which curled towards Kíli's knuckles, feeling the roughness of her skin.

She waited patiently for Kíli to speak, in spite of the knot of fear she felt within her.

Tauriel didn't want for Kíli to be forced to choose – like Tauriel had, that fateful day in the Halls of the Elvenking when she had chosen Kíli over her King, her kin and all she had held dear. And she regretted it not. Not one single precious moment she had spent with her Dwarrowdam. She would have gladly traded all the ages of the world for just one of them.

But exile was nonetheless a weight at the bottom her soul. It was only the incommensurable joy which flooded her whenever Kíli was beside her that could cut through the wistfulness which sometimes gripped her strongly. And she would never wish such a plight to be inflicted on the unburdened vivacity of Kíli's summer soul.

Nor could she bear the thought of bidding her farewell yet, of being left stranded with nothing but her memories until the end of the days. Not so soon.

But it was beyond her power to act, to change what had been said and done.

" _Amad_ was not happy." Kíli said, breaking the silence which had shrouded them.

Her eyes were boring into hers and there was worry within them when she spoke next.

"You are to stand beside me when we announce our betrothal to my family. Only then will she give us her blessing."

Tauriel felt a weight slip off her shoulders and she smiled brightly at Kíli, but her Dwarrowdam's eyes were still conflicted and a frown made its way to Tauriel's forehead.

"What worries you so?" she asked her "I will gladly come with you."

"I know you would, _amr_ _â_ _lim_ _ê_." Kíli replied, then dropping her head slightly she told her "But my family includes my Uncle."

Then looking up she pressed her lips into the thinnest line, telling her in earnest

"And he will _not_ be happy."


	5. Chapter V

Chapter V

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Written for the Secret Lesbians Kiliel Week Day 7 Anything you want!

Secret Lesbians Week hosted on tumblr by hobbithelltrashsquad.

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The walkway in the throne room had never seemed so long to Kíli, the giant faces of her ancestors grimly gazing down at her with their carved eyes. Their footsteps resounded loudly in the cavernous chamber while Tauriel walked silently by her side, much too tall and soft amongst the jutting edges chiselled in the green stone and the sharp angles of the gilded patterns that decorated the floor and pillars which held the monumental architecture upright.

And yet, glancing to her left with the corner of her eye, Kíli couldn't help but admire her outlandish beauty. The way her vibrant red hair contrasted with the malachite of the Mountain, green as her eyes which had been observing every detail of the corridors and halls they had crossed on their way to the throne room – and which were eyeing with equal curiosity the way the pale light filtered through the shafts carved in the mountain flanks, reflecting on the golden veins that towered above the broken throne.

Where her Uncle sat.

Thorin was seated proudly, with his crown regally lodged atop his dark curls. His azure eyes were following their motions with an expression Kíli could not read and she wondered if her _amad –_ who was standing to his left – had anticipated the reason for their audience. No guard had tried stopping Tauriel when Kíli had led her through the front gates. Kíli looked at her mother who stood still, resembling of the many gargantuan statues which flanked the walkway with her long raven locks braided into an updo far more complex than the ones he was wont to wear and far more impressive. It gave her the air of a queen of old, mighty and fearsome with her blue-eyed gaze sharp as a spear-point.

And then there was Fíli. Standing to their Uncle's right, Kíli's brother was a ray of sunshine in the thick darkness which clouded the rest of their family. He was looking at them with his chin held up high, but the expression he wore was more akin to wary resignation than the outright hostility which lingered around her Uncle and mother.

Tauriel and her crossed the rest of the distance which separated them from the stiff tableau, Kíli's shoulders squared defiantly and a knot of apprehension in the bottom of her stomach. Once they reached the end of the walkway Kíli inclined her head in greeting while Tauriel bent down into a respectful bow, her long red hair slipping down her shoulders like a stream of molten iron.

"Raise." Thorin's booming voice echoed in the large chamber and her Elven maid straightened her back.

"Speak." he ordered gesturing in Tauriel's direction and Kíli resisted the urge to grab her hand and hold it – whether to give courage of hold herself together she did not know, but it didn't matter. She couldn't. Not now, not here.

"I am Tauriel of Mirkwood, former Captain." she introduced herself in the steadiest voice that betrayed no fear, then, without any further ado she simply told them

"It is my heart's desire to pledge myself to Kíli of Erebor."

Kíli mustered all the seriousness she could before she looked at her Uncle straight in the eye and added

"She has offered me braids." she said "And I have accepted."

His mouth twitched imperceptibly before he asked

"You would bind yourself to an Elf?" nearly spitting the last word and Kíli retorted

"I would bind myself to Tauriel." and then standing tall she added "I will do it regardless of any blessing you or _amad_ may withhold. I'd rather be banished than without her!"

"Kíli..." Tauriel admonished under her breath, levelling her a slightly pained expression.

"Tauriel has been banished for my sake." she said, incensed "And if should have the same fate, so be it!"

Her hands were balled into fists and she was glaring at her Uncle who seemed to ignore her in favour of asking Tauriel

"You were banished?" and the lack of bite in his voice betrayed his curiosity and Kíli still breathed in angry huffs, but a sparkle of hope flickered under her breastbone.

"Yes, I have failed to obey my King." Tauriel said simply and noticing she did not seem inclined to elaborate further Kíli piped in, repeating

"For my sake."

"Explain." Thorin ordered simply and Tauriel gave a small nod.

"The day you escaped we captured one of the orcs" she began in her melodic voice "During the questioning he revealed the nature of the arrow which had hit Kíli. He told us she would soon be dead from the poison"

Her eyes were glassy as she lost herself in the memory she had once shared with Kíli.

"The foul creature rejoiced." she said with a sneer "I wanted to hunt the rest of the orcs down, cleanse the land from their presence."

"Save Kíli." she added softly, before steel seeped back into her voice "But my King would hear none of it. He ordered the Halls locked down. I escaped before the guards had been informed, disobeying him. I was banished."

"That's why you came to Laketown." Kíli's head whipped in the direction of her brother who had unexpectedly spoken.

Fíli was staring at Tauriel, eyeing her with the same begrudging respect he had given her the night they escaped from Laketown, rowing amongst the burning houses and the scorching heat of dragon fire. Then he turned his head towards their Uncle, levelling him an earnest look

"Thorin, if she had not come I don't think we would have survived." Fíli told him grimly, before he added "Kíli certainly wouldn't"

He said the latter looking at Tauriel and she reciprocated his gaze, pressing her beautiful soft lips into a thin line.

"I wouldn't have survived Ravenhill either, for what its worth." Kíli added as an afterthought, hating to think about that battle, about the sight of that large Orc brandishing his weapon at Tauriel, and the whimper of pain that had escaped her lips.

She hated to think how the world had almost stopped in that moment and she would have died a thousand times over if it meant Tauriel would be left unharmed. The latter glanced a her and the sentiment in her eyes mirrored the tight knot which constricted her chest in that moment and Kíli wanted nothing but to touch her, to hold her hand, stroke her hair, or merely feel the heat of her body pressed close to hers, anything to assure herself she was still there, hale and, most importantly, _alive._

Kíli swallowed dryly the lump which had formed in her throat, tearing her eyes from her Elven maid, and setting her gaze back to her family. Fíli was looking at the two of them with a deep crease of worry between his blond eyebrows and Kíli knew he regretted not having been by Kíli's side. But if he had perhaps their Uncle would have never made it. They had barely survived the fight against the Pale Orc, Fíli and Thorin. Had Uncle fought alone... her heart lurched painfully at the thought and she looked at him, sharing a look with his sister and nodding grimly. He turned his head towards them and exhaled through his nose before he spoke

"I will not interfere in this matter." his jaw was visibly squared but he continued "Whether this union is to be blessed is your mother's decision alone."

And Kíli felt a sudden bout of hope bubble within her. She widened her eyes looking at her mother's visage, expressionless. Kíli held her breath, waiting for her mother to speak. Dís looked at her and Tauriel for the longest time, her granite face showing no emotion. Then, a flicker of incommensurable sadness crossed her visage for the briefest moment, disappearing so suddenly Kíli was not sure if it had been there or she had merely imagined it.

"I'm not happy." Dís said at last, her voice clear and cutting like a diamond and Kíli stared at her, waiting with bated breath, dreading the next words

Tauriel's knuckles brushed against her own and Kíli took comfort in the touch, while her heart beat fast, hoping, dreaming, pleading her mother to bless them, pleading her not to make her choose between the people she loved the most, between her family and her beloved. Because she knew whom she would choose, she knew nothing would stop her from following Tauriel. Nothing but death. Because a life without her was not worth living, not when she knew that somewhere Tauriel watched the stars or hunted, or simply breathed, her chest rising and dropping with every breath. She loved her more than anything. She would not let her go. Never.

Suddenly her mother spoke again, tearing Kíli away form her thoughts to the harshness of reality. To the cold and draughty throne room, with its broken throne were the gaping hole which should have contained the Arkenstone stood empty, reminding them of the price they had paid to get their homeland back – of how close they had been to losing Thorin to a foe none could battle but himself.

"But I did not give you life to provide for my happiness." her mother said more softly, sagging her shoulders almost imperceptibly "You have my blessing."

And Kíli looked at her with incredulity even as a smile pulled her lips further and further until she was grinning from ear to ear.

They had her blessing. She nearly shook her head in disbelief while she glanced in Tauriel's direction, the Elven maid looking as surprised as she felt. And she couldn't believe it, she truly couldn't. But at the same time there was a joy spreading within her like wildfire and Kíli resisted the urge to pull Tauriel down and kiss her with all the emotion, all the love she felt bursting within her, swallowing her whole.

But she would have the rest of her life to do it. And the thought alone made Kíli wish to stand atop the peak of Mountain and shout at the whole world how happy she was.

How blessed.

* * *

A/N This story is now officially complete. A most heartfelt thank you to all those who had read it, followed it and shared their insights. I love you guys, you make writing worthwhile. :)


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